Neji Wants Shoes
by Senorita TacoMal
Summary: Hanabi forces Neji to watch the "Shoes" video! What madness shall ensue! Rated for language. Enjoy


"Neji-san!!! C'mere a minute!!! I want you to watch this video really quickly!"

The Hyuuga boy sighed. Hanabi was at that age where she had discovered the wonders of the internet, and was always calling the nearest one, either him or Hinata, to see stuff on the internet.

"What this time…?" Neji said exasperatedly.

"This video is so funny!" She clicked play.

Shoes.

Shoes.

Shoes.

Oh my god!

Shoes.

A vein popped in Neji's forehead. "Ha…na…bi…" It took all his effort, (plus thinking of the consequences) to keep himself from killing Hanabi. Instead, he opted for the safer way, and simply walked away.

He felt the cold death glare Hanabi shot him. "You are going to watch this video…" Neji started to run. "…Whether you like it or not!!!" Hanabi gave pursuit.

Neji managed to get out of the house, out of the complex, and into the center of town before being tackled by Hanabi, and knocking his head on a rock.

"…Neji-san…?" Hanabi said, cluelessly. Hanabi was one of the brightest little girls in the village, but she had her dumb brunette moments every once in a while. "Neji, quit playing dead!" She slapped him, and he came to. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes…

"Oh my God, shoes."

Hanabi got the most dumbfounded look possible on her face. "What the hell did you just say!?!?!?"

Neji stood up and grabbed Hanabi by the wrist. "Come on, Hanabi, let's get some shoes!"

Hanabi quickly freed herself from Neji's death grip. "Uh, you go ahead. There's someone I need to go get… uh… so we can all go shoe shopping together!!!" She gave the most unconvincing smile ever, but Neji didn't notice.

"Oh my god, are you serious!? Well, hurry up and get her, you know I can't buy shoes until you approve of them!"

* * *

"TententententententententenTEN!!!!!" Hanabi screamed as she ran to the apartment building Tenten lived in. Tenten heard it all the way from the street. She sighed, got up, and walked towards the door, waiting for the-

KNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCK!!!!!!!!!

Tenten opened the door, and Hanabi was so surprised (and knocking so hard) that her fist led her sprawling fist-first into Tenten's home.

"What's wrong with Neji this time…?" Tenten sighed

"Tenten-chan, what's wrong? I heard someone knocking at the door with the fury of youth!!! No, where there is youth, nothing is wrong! So… what's happening?"

"Lee's here?" Hanabi said, raising an suspicious eyebrow.

"Yeah. My mom has a soft spot for him. He eats dinner here every Thursday night."

Hanabi raised her other eyebrow skeptically. "Anyway… so, I was making Neji watch that 'Shoes' video on Veoh, and he didn't want to watch it, so he ran away, and then I chased him, and he tripped and hit his head, and now he has an unhealthy over-obsession with shoes!!!!!"

"…Right, we'll just try to get his memory back!!!"

"I'll come too, sounds like Neji is acting most youthful in his shoe masquerade!!!!!"

"Okay, we have to go, NOW!!!"

"MOOOOOOM!!!!! WE'RE GOING OUT, NEJI'S IN TROUBLE!!!"

"OKAY, HAVE FUN, KIDS!!!"

Tenten muttered something under her breath about "being teenagers, not kids."

"THANK YOU FOR THE MOST LOVELY DINNER!!!"

"Aw, Lee, you don't have to thank me, it's my pleasure." Tenten's mom said, walking into the living room. She smiled and gave Lee a kiss on the cheek. Lee blushed, smiling, Hanabi giggled, and Tenten turned away, groaning.

* * *

"…So then, I lathered with this new ultra rich shampoo, these shoes rule! And then, I finished it with this ultra shine conditioner, these shoes rule… and then, it said 'Repeat if desired,' and I was like, 'Fuck yah it's desired!' so-Ew! These shoes suck!!! Anyway, so then…"

The owners of the shoe boutique hid behind the counter. One of them dared to intervene. "W-we'll call the police if you d-don't stop!"

Neji paid them no heed as he continued to turn the boutique upside down in search for cute shoes.

"NEJI!!!" Tenten shouted as the burst into the store

"Tenteeeeeen!!! Leeeeeeee! Hanabiiiiiii! Thank goodness you're all here! Which pair do you think I should buy? These, or these? I'm leaning towards these, because my color chart says I'm a spring, but these ones are SO hot this season, but they totally go against what my chart says, that's a big nono, but I have the cutest outfit in my closet that I've just been itching to wear, and these shoes would go SO well with it!"

"Neji, I had no idea you are a springtime man! SPRING IS THE MOST YOUTHFUL TIME, FULL OF LOVE, AND PASSION, AND…"

As Lee ranted on about the joyous parts of spring, Tenten just dropped her jaw and gawked awkwardly at Neji, her left anime-style blank eye twitching. "…The…the hell did h-he just say…???"

Hanabi gently placed her hands on Tenten shoulders. "Calm down, Tenten. He just wants to know which pair of shoes he should buy…"

"Oh joy, more crazy people!" the other shop owner said, rolling her eyes.

"Neji, why don't you buy both of them?" Hanabi said with an awkward grin, trying to calm everything down. "You two," she hissed to Tenten and Lee, " Help me clean up the shop!"

While Neji checked out, the three sane ninja (A/N: er… make that two and a half, I don't know if Lee counts for sane…) cleaned up the little boutique.

Lee took the time to look up and check on Neji. "Tenten-chan, where's Neji-kun!?"

Tenten also looked up. "Oh shit, let's go!"

They ran out of the little boutique and went on a wild goose chase for Neji.

"…What the hell just happened here?" one owner said to the other.

"…I honestly wish I knew…"

* * *

They eventually found Neji through the display window of a shop, staring at a podium with a pair of expensive-looking shoes on it as if it were a holy shrine. He only stopped to take a momentary glance at the new arrivals. "You three, come and look at these shoes!!!"

The three kneeled down at the holy shoe shrine quietly, staring at them intently, just like Neji.

"Do you know the price tag on these things?" Before anyone else had the chance to answer, Neji continued, "These shoes are 300 dollars. These shoes are _300 dollars. _These shoes are _300 fuckin' dollars…_" He glanced at, Tenten, to his left, Hanabi, to his right, and Lee, straight ahead of him, and nodded. "Let's get 'em!"

Right then, none other than Uchiha Sasuke burst in the door. "No way, betch! Anyone who knows their shoes knows that line runs small. There's no way in hell you'll fit. I mean, your feet are… kinda big…"

Neji froze and started up at Sasuke. "Oh." Tenten, Hanabi, and Lee slowly backed away and out of the shop. "Oh," Neji repeated, as it he was in shock. "Oh, by the way, betch, FUCK YOU!!!" Neji pounced on Sasuke, resulting in an all-out catfight.

"Oh, hell naw you di-n't!" Sasuke said. The two rolled around on the floor, pulling hair, biting, and scratching.

"You two too?" Sakura asked as she and Naruto jogged up to the shop.

"Oh yeah…" Lee said, as the five watched the fight.

"I guess it's just that time of month…" Naruto joked, shaking his head, which Sakura drove into the ground.

"Don't even joke about that!!!" Sakura yelled, forehead pulsing.

"So… who wants to go get pizza?" Tenten suggested?

"Me!" shrieked Hanabi.

"I'm in," Sakura said.

"Me too!" Lee exclaimed.

"Me three!" Naruto yelled

"Don't be so loud!" Sakura yelled at Naruto.

The five walked off to the nearest pizza shop, leaving the catfighters to their own devices.


End file.
